The work of life and death

I have been reading II Corinthians recently, and I was sitting in the quiet of the morning today, just me and my coffee (and the sounds of kids waking up in their rooms! Help! My time-bomb is ticking!), I landed on chapter 4 verse 12.  Paul has been describing to the Corinthians the principle of carrying around Christ's death in his body in order that through death, the life of Christ may be revealed to those around him.  In other words, as Paul dies to the things Jesus died to set him free from, Christ's life becomes that much more evident in his own.

As I heard the morning sounds of the kids, it struck me that the same principle can be applied to parenting.  II Cor 4:12 says, "So then, death is at work in us but life is at work in you."  As I parent my kids, wonderful though they are, I am constantly in a place of choice.  I can react naturally to their childish ways and disobedience, and become impatient and frustrated when they interrupt my plans.  Or I can, as Paul writes, "... carry around in our bodies the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."  As I parent, I can also choose to react unnaturally (i.e against my instincts and human nature) when my children test me, choose to die to the things Jesus died to free me from, and thereby reveal the life of Christ in me.  Death is at work in me (and how painful and unpleasant it can be to die!), but as a result life is at work in my kids.

Surely this is a worthy reason to die to myself over and over again - my little deaths are sowing seeds of life in my children!  Galatians describes to us the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Because these fruits come not from our own hearts but from God's Spirit dwelling in us, they are unnatural and require a death to self.  But when I die to my impatience, or my un-gentle manner, or my lack of self-control, the Spirit of life is at work - not only in me, but also in my little stewards.  So then, death is at work in me, but life is at work in them.  And how I long to bring them life!

(On a side note, I was also reading from John Baillie's 'A Diary of Readings' this morning, in which he included the following by Lady Julian of Norwich. She describes the futility of Satan's attempts to derail the believer who takes to heart that living is Christ and dying is gain - who believes that difficulties in life are to be counted as joyful opportunities to grow more Christlike: "And however sore he [the Devil] travails, and however continually, yet he sees that all chosen souls escape him worshipfully; and that is all his sorrow. For all that God suffers him to do turns us to joy, and him to pain and shame." 
So, when I die to myself, whether in my dealings with my children or some other area of life, the result is two-fold. First, I am sowing life in my children. And second, I am rendering inert the attempts of the enemy to work in my heart, by choosing to live worshipfully and allowing the Spirit to be alive in my actions.  Though the dying itself is often almost prohibitively difficult, the good of the results, in my opinion, far outweighs the difficulty!)

An overdue update on life

Well, it seems quite some time has passed since I last sat down to write a post here! Between turning 6 and finishing up the last couple months of Kindergarten, learning how to walk, taking a turn leading our monthly English church service on station, figuring out where our next overseas term should be, playing de facto photographer for various events and family photo shoots, diagnosing and treating about 40 patients every day, and planning our family vacation next month, we've all been keeping busy!

 Anna's Strawberry Shortcake birthday party in May

 With her 6th birthday came some new privileges (like reading instead of nap time and getting to watch certain movies), and also the added responsibility of helping me with laundry. Although it does make my heart twist just a little seeing her out there doing her chores like a big kid...!

A couple months ago, I was able to attend a church opening where Suzanna, one of the ladies who helps me in the house, is pastor.  To reach the church, we drove one of the land cruisers over this section of road, half of which washed down the mountain some time ago and was replaced by a quasi-bridge of tree trunks:

The church was brightly decorated to celebrate its inaugural service, and several members of the congregation performed some special music.

Myself with Suzanna after the service

 

Once a month, many ex-pats from the various missions organisations in this part of the country gather at Kudjip for 'English Lotu', or 'worship in English'.  June was our month to lead this service, and after Mark led worship I spoke on Hope.

 Our little helper collecting the offering

 

At the beginning of this year, I started teaching clinic outpatients once a week on three different topics – diabetes, asthma/ COPD, and chronic reflux disease. Staff at the hospital requested an additional nurse to be hired on to remedy the deficit in patient education, but the request was turned down for budgetary reasons. So myself and another missionary wife (also an RN) have begun volunteering weekly, she with inpatients and I am working with outpatients from the clinic. I love getting to spend time with patients each Friday morning, and I'm thankful to be able to leave the kids in their Aunt Kathy's very capable hands!

One of my asthmatic patients, a lady who remembers the construction of the original Kudjip hospital buildings over 50 years ago!

Additionally, I have started communicating with our travel agent about our flights home in the fall – which is difficult for me to believe even as I write it! We're looking at getting back to Tulsa either October or November, which means we're here in PNG for a maximum of 5 more months. It also means I'm finding myself in that place of reflecting on the bittersweet nature of our calling … but that is a blog post for another day!

This roly-poly little lady has finally found her feet, and enjoys toddling all over the house trying to keep up with her big brother and sister. Which is, of course, an impossible mission ... but she sure does look cute while she tries!

The trouble with honesty

Recently, Anna and Levi have both caused me to arrive at a point of conflict within myself.  They used different means, but my quandary was the same. 

What do you do when your child comes clean about disobedience?

I was cleaning the kitchen table, and happened to look out of the window in time to catch Anna doing something she knew she shouldn't be doing.  It posed potential health risks, and we have definitely lived here long enough that she knew that.  When she came inside later in the day, I asked her about it.  Crestfallen, she admitted that yes, she had done it.  We talked about the possible outcomes - that what she was doing could make her sick - and I asked her whether she knew that what she did was both unwise and disobedient. 

The gloomy "Yehhhss mommaaaa......"

Levi's version of the story was a little more amusing to me.  I glanced down the hallway to the kids' room yesterday, and saw a Levi-shaped blanket sitting upright on the bottom bunk.  I grinned and thought nothing of it; recently he's enjoyed playing hiding games, and I assumed he thought we couldn't see him, sitting there with his blanket over his head.  Later on, though, as I was putting him down for his nap, I found Anna's bag of Valentine's candy on his bed - empty.  We had a conversation that went something like this:

"Levi, how come Anna's candy bag is in your bed?"
"Umm ..... puhcause I putted it there."
"Well, I think she still had some candy left, bud. Do you know what happened to it?"
"Uhhh.... yeeaaaahhhh........"
"Where did it go?"
"........................ umm....................... I ated it."
"Is that why you were hiding under the blanket?"
"Yeah."

We talked about taking things that aren't yours, and about how his actions would make Anna feel when she found out the candy she'd been saving was gone, and decided that Levi needed to give his dessert to Anna after dinner to make things right(ish!). 

Both kids knew they were disobeying, and thought that because Mark and I weren't around they wouldn't get caught.  But - both kids also told the truth when I asked for it.  Lately this has not always been the case with Levi; I think he's figured out that if we ask him a question, he can actually choose how he responds..! 

The consequence of Anna's poor choice was that she was grounded for the weekend: "If you aren't able to make good choices when you're outside playing, you'll have to stay inside where we can keep an eye on you and help you make better choices."
As I wrapped up our conversation, though, I started to wonder.  She disobeyed - granted - but then chose to tell me the truth instead of lying to cover up her actions.  I called her back over and told her that because she was honest about her disobedience, she could have Sunday back instead of losing her whole weekend, and that I was proud of her for choosing to tell the truth. 

These two incidents have left me with some uncertainty, though.  How do I teach our kids the importance of telling the truth, when often their confessions will lead to discipline?  Do I give them a 'reduced sentence' of sorts when they choose not to lie?  Will suspending their consequences teach them that it's ok to disobey as long as they come clean afterwards?  What happens when I don't know whether they're telling the truth or not?  And what about when they are older and the person meting out their 'discipline' isn't their mother who loves them, but rather a teacher or boss or (heaven forbid!) law enforcement officer?  Will they go easy on people who tell the truth? 

As these questions have bounced around my head during the last several days, I've searched through my mind and my Bible for a verse or passage that might spell it out for me.  So far I haven't found anything that says, "Do this when your kid disobeys but 'fesses up --".  But what I have found is this:


These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home, and when you walk along the road, and when you lie down and get up.

Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law.  I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws.

Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.

Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous; who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue.

It is better to obey than to offer a sacrifice.

And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.

The Bible is clear that God is truth, and desires that His children walk in truth and obedience.  And also that as one of His children, I teach MY children the importance of walking in truth.  However, David's writings are also filled with references to God's great mercy.  Countless times as we read through the history of Israel, we see that God acts with justice after his people sin but that in His graciousness He quickly turns from anger and shows His people mercy.  My favourite verse from the list above is the final one, from Micah 6: that we are to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God. 

This has become my guiding verse as I try to parent our kids when they are honest about their disobedience.  God requires that I do act justly; when one of my children disobeys, they must endure the consequences of their choice.  However, my discipline is to be shaped by the mercy He has shown me, and the humility that comes when I face my own sin in the face of His perfect holiness.  This doesn't spell out what exactly I should do in scenarios like the ones I ran across recently ... but it certainly helps me with the how. 

(Obviously, my actual problem is how to discipline them at all when they're so stinkin' cute. Luckily they don't look like this all the time!)