This new chapter....

... Being a stay-at-home mom is, so far, probably my favourite time of my life. For the first time in years and years, I don't have any kind of pressure to be getting work done, studying (well, technically I suppose I should be studying for the NCLEX, but it's not quite the same!) ... I love it!

Anna is changing and doing new things every day. She's three month old! She has found her hands and feet, has rolled over from her back to her front several times (not OFF of anything yet, thankfully!), she grabs at her little toys that hang above her, she smiles, sings and talks ALL the time, her little head is sturdy enough to put her facing outwards in her baby carrier (with a blankie rolled up to wedge her in since she's not chunky enough to fill the whole thing!), she can let me know when she's mad vs tired vs hungry vs bored, she can stand up for a couple seconds at a time when we hold her up on our laps ... she's getting so big and clever! I LOVE watching her change every day. I still haven't solved my work/not work dilemma - but I'm feeling more and more reluctant to take care of other people's loved ones all day when someone else is taking care of mine. We'll see.

I'm spending my time cleaning and sorting the house - going through all those stacks of paper that piled up over the last 14 months, updating our filing system, getting rid of all the junk that accumulated while I didn't have time to do anything sensible with it.... going on playdates so Anna can make some friends.... and I'm also looking for a new car and a new house. (Woah, nelly - one big purchase at a time!) Our second car right now has no air conditioning so poor Mark is just dying while he drives around in our Oklahoma 105-degree summer weather, the check engine light is always on, it makes funny sounds and smells while being driven .... it's time for something a little more reliable! And on the house front, we had been planning on not moving till November since that's Mark's next 'light' month. But we're trying to find a place sooner than that so that our current house can be made available for a family that has need of temporary housing soon. So, I'm house-hunting. And should probably, therefore, start thinking about boxing things up.

Mark is busy trying to contain his time at the hospital to within his legal 80 hours per week ... and, so far, failing!! He is on one of the busiest rotations he'll have this year, so he's pretty tired when he is at home. Luckily he enjoys what he's doing and is happier when he's busy. We're both looking forward to November, though, because (somehow!) he managed to get Thanksgiving week off!

Well, that's about it for now. No spectacular news ... just happy days at home with that sweet girl :)

Mullings

I've been thinking about work. Mainly, whether or not I want to do any! (Paid, that is...) I have graduated from nursing school and I'm planning on taking my boards sometime in the next couple of months, but Mark and I decided that I wouldn't start the job hunt till after Christmas. This will give me some time with Anna, which has been pretty hit-and-miss since she was born. Lousy school. Having spent a week at home with Anna being a stay-at-home-mom, the question of whether I want to get a job at all has entered my mind. Now, before you flip out that I'm making this decision based on one week's experience, I have neither made a decision nor am I naive enough to think that the rest of Anna's babyhood will be as delightful as these last few days have been! However, the wheels have been turning regarding my future role. Or roles.

The debate in my mind is between the following two issues: 1) being at home full time will allow me to invest fully into the life of my child. I will not have to depend on anyone else to follow our routine, discipline techniques (once we actually begin to implement them!) or parenting philosophies. Also, I will never have that slightly guilty thought of "What if she's having a bad day?" when I leave her with someone. I have been on the receiving end of that with other people's kids and did not kove it! 2) Going to work will provide a needed boost to our income, will allow me to make use of the training I've received - twice! - and will provide me with a challenging, stimulating arena in which adult interaction takes place. Plus I love being in the clinical setting. That's why I went to nursing school in the first place.

I think that my priority is to be fully invested in raising Anna and not take for granted that someone else will be as committed to taking care of her as I will. I just don't know whether I can do that while I spend 12-hour days taking care of other people. However ... I do believe that God called me into nursing, and gave me a love for it. Does that mean I have to sacrifice some of what I can sow into Anna's life if I stay at home with her full time?

These are my mullings today .... any thoughts?