Thoughts on a food fight

So we have entered a new stage with Anna: a departure from her previous unquestioning obedience and acceptance of what we put in front of her. This has so far only come up at meal time and bath time; meal time in that she has developed likes and dislikes for certain foods, and bath time in that she doesn't want to get out. This is very new and unlike our previous mild-mannered, obedient child! Yesterday when Mark started to get her out of the tub, she started flailing around and kicking water everywhere, and when he laid her down on her towel and wrapped her up, she got this (admittedly adorable and hilarious!) pouty face and wouldn't look at him.

I am still trying to figure out what approach I want to take with her when she pouts or throws a mini-fit ... I obviously want her to understand the role of child and parent, and how obedience and respect play into that relationship. But I don't want to entirely stifle her ability to say no and assert her opinion, because at some point down the road I want her to be able to stand up for herself! I read recently that her ability to say no to peer pressure and bad influences in the future depends on her having the freedom to say no earlier in her life as well. I don't think I subscribe to this view, because on the one hand she is acting out of obedience to a higher influence than the one that is tempting her, and on the other hand she's placing her own wishes and feelings over her obedience to me. So I don't think that if I stress obedience when she's young, she's going to end up rebelling and giving in to all kinds of awful temptations as soon as she's faced with them! My intention is definitely to raise children who are well-mannered and obedient, and can respect my God-given authority over them even when it clashes with their own desires. However, I do want them to know that I will take into consideration their preferences and opinions when I'm interacting with them, and I don't want to shape our kids' personalities into something that's rooted in legalism and fear of punishment. I want them to know and experience grace and forgiveness as part of their daily lives, because that is how my Father is raising me!

I know this may all sound a little heavy, bearing in mind I started this blog talking about bath/meal-times and we've had a total of about 3 little fits so far! But something else I read recently that I definitely do subscribe to is that when parents raise their children, they need to do so bearing in mind the kind of adult they are aiming to see their child become. All of the little choices we make when we raise Anna and discipline her, and the little habits we develop in our interactions with her, will have an effect on the adult she will one day become. That kind of makes me want to do it right! How do parents cope who don't have the perfect Parent to follow....?