The unknown

The last time I posted, we were watching hopeful departure dates slide by without visas and tickets. Shortly after I wrote that post our visas arrived! We are now able to stay in PNG until October 16th, 2016:

Although we are not at this point planning on being there through 2016, it's nice to know we can :)

We had been communicating with a travel agent even before our visas were granted, but had to change travel agencies due to some problems we ran into with the first.  Our second contact proved much more helpful, and by Christmas Eve we were able to purchase our tickets!  We leave Tulsa on January 7th in the late afternoon.

Four days from now.

We have four more days.

Four days - to make any last-minute purchases, finish packing (which is actually very close to being done and should be finished by tomorrow, I think - woop!), say goodbye to our loved ones here in T-town, and close out this chapter of our lives.

One last Sunday at our church.  One last meal at Sushi Train and Chick Fil A with the kids.  One last drive in our car.  One last playdate.  One last trip to the aquarium and our favourite park.  One last morning to watch light gradually appear in the reflection of the sky on the pond, when the baby wakes me up obscenely early and I can't go back to sleep.  One last breakfast with Mimi and Papa. 

And then ..... what??

Well, we do have a little idea of what is ahead.  Having been to Kudjip once before is definitely making this an easier adjustment in my mind.  I know what the trip is like (with a much smaller pregnant belly and only one kid in tow, at least..!), I remember the hospital grounds, we have seen pictures of our house and it is beautiful:

I have been to the market in Mount Hagen, Mark has taken nights of call at the hospital (both peaceful and awful!), and we have celebrated Anna's birthday at Kudjip surrounded by people who felt, amazingly after only two weeks with them, an awful lot like family to us.

But spending a month there is pretty different from buying a one-way plane ticket!

There is something that brings me peace, though, among all of the uncertainties and opportunities for panic, stress or fear.  And it's actually a conversation I had with my brother while we were in England in October. 
[As an aside, Matt would probably be the first to assert that he is not the philosopher of the family.  He is a man of action who works and plays hard, writes incredible music and drives a bright blue, souped up little rude-boy car.  But twice now as Mark and I have been preparing to move, he has dropped these incredible thought processes on us that have really shaped how we've approached this next chapter!]
I remember sitting in our living room in Thame after Matt came over for dinner one evening, and he asked how I was feeling about our upcoming move.  We talked about the mixture of excitement and anxiety I felt; the certainty that we were doing the right thing, combined with all of the uncertainties that it held.  And he thought for a minute and then said, "Yeah, but just because something is unknown doesn't mean it has to be uncomfortable."  I have been thinking about that a lot recently!  Yes, there are a lot of unknowns ahead and we will have a period of transition and readjustment and culture shock.  But that doesn't have to be something I try to struggle against or avoid.  (In fact, I know it will make things easier if I don't!) 
Experiencing something unfamiliar means being out of control, not being in charge of the outcome or what happens to me or my family.  And really, that does make me feel uncomfortable!  But through the entire history of my life, with all of the transitions and unfamiliarity of a missionary kid lifestyle who also moved across the ocean to get married, there has been one very constant, reassuring aspect to my life.  My soul has an anchor.  An Anchor who doesn't change, is 100% faithful even when I'm not, who loves me dearly, and who has promised I will never walk through anything alone.  So really, although everything around our little family is about to change, we have underneath all the uncertainties a foundation that has not changed, even a little bit, since before the beginning of time.  And that is why what Matt said really nailed it for me.  The unknowns of what will happen four days from now do not have to signify discomfort and fear, because Jesus who loves us has gone before us, walked our future and knows it, and is with us now as we walk it.   

Now, with all of that said, I am just as certain that there will be moments when I fail! Days of feeling overwhelmed, underprepared, lonely, homesick or afraid.  But even then, my Anchor will not change, His mercies are new every morning, and there is grace. 

So ... off we go!  I don't know whether I'll be posting again before we leave, but if you've made it this far through this one, please pray for us during the next week as we leave and arrive!  Pray for the logistics of our trip - luggage and people all arriving safely and together and sane, the safety of this almost-30-week pregnancy as we have a physically and emotionally demanding trip ahead of us (and also that Mark wouldn't be hurt in any way as he manhandles all of our luggage by himself!), and that the period of readjusting would be a smooth one.  And look for an update in a couple of weeks once we get situated! :)