Paradise found

Paradise.... We found it!

It is in the Bahamas ... Pelican Point, on Grand Bahama Island, to be exact :)

We got back on Saturday morning from having spent 5 days there on the beach with our very dear friends the Mayers (and without our very dear baby girl -- thanks Mimi & Papa!!), soaking up everything Pelican Point had to offer: picture-perfect beach & water, great snorkelling, fishing, lobster hunting (the boys caught 8. EIGHT! And yes we ate them all!), exploring nearby beaches and blue holes, eating at Bahama John's Rib Shack just down the beach, laying out in the hammock, kayaking, and plain old chillaxing and enjoying each others' company.

IT. WAS. AWESOME.

Here are some pictures, so you can get the general idea of our week away and salivate just a little over how wonderful it was :)




Mark getting some early-morning reading in before breakfast. This was the view from our porch!




Our awesome host Steve took us out a few times in his boat to fish, snorkel etc.







Real beach golf should always be played with driftwood clubs and a sea urchin.



Mark caught a 12lb barracuda, and nearly got pulled into the sea with it trying to reel it in! It was a fighter!



The boys after day 2 of lobster hunting. Victorious again!!



Delicious lobster dinner, with Bahamian rice & beans, some fried grouper that we also caught, veggies, plantains, mmmmmm :)




The boys.....



.... and the girls :)




On the beach right outside our little villa. It was perfect!



Sunrise




We miss you, beautiful beach -- we'll be back one day, though!!

A mixed bag

This post would be simpler if I was referring to vegetables, but I'm talking about feelings. Specifically, mine! Last week marked the week our baby would have been born. It was also the week I found out that a good friend of mine is pregnant.

It's hard.

I don't like grieving. I don't like being patient, being forced to wait for something that I want so much. I don't like not being in control. I don't like it when other people so easily achieve what I want to. I don't like feeling like a bad friend for feeling heartbroken instead of rejoicing over new life.

I wish there was an easier way for my faith to become mature, for my character to develop perseverance and patience. I wish I understood why God lets some people have (what looks to me from the outside) what they want, when they want it. Why couldn't I be one of those people?

What would I miss out on if I was?

Would I have the same experiential level of trust in God's unwavering goodness and gentle strength? Even when bad things with no happy ending happen? Would I be able to reach out to other women in the same way? Would I treasure my children as much, never knowing what it was to lose one?

I can't answer any of these questions. I can say that I'm inexpressibly thankful that God redeems. He redeems things that look to me like they're bad, wasted, ugly and painful. He can make them good and beautiful when I can't. And He can help me wait well.




photo credit

Recently I have been reading a lot on marriage and parenting. These are the two over-arching roles of my life right now (and I suspect will always be, whether or not a career ever features too!) - wife and mother. What I have read ranges from cliche and humdrum, to straight-up crazy, to inspirational wisdom that is helping me refocus. From rules and patterns to follow, to the fresh, life-giving air of grace and freedom.

I have so enjoyed the last weeks and months of 'concentrated gleaning'. I am grateful for others who have walked the paths of spouse and parent before me, grateful that they have shared with me their life lessons. One thing I am coming to learn about myself, though, is that unless I form concrete application of what I have read, no matter how inspirational the words, I will forget them.


To that end, I am creating a framework for one of my two roles - that of mother. (Possibly I should have started with my role as wife, since that takes precedence, but the book I am currently working on addresses raising children so I will jump in where I am!) As Anna approaches her second birthday, I'm realising that the type of parenting I engage in is about to change. She is not a baby. Babies, in my opinion, are easy. (Intellectually, I mean. I did not have to discipline Anna as a baby, or explain things to her, or teach her about moral standards.) She is not even really a toddler any more. She is becoming a child, who will in turn become an adult. And I can't fly by the seat of my pants and expect to produce a responsible, well-adjusted, morally sound adult who has an intimate walk with God at the end of my 18 years of raising her!

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I am writing my framework (or list, or model, or collection of thoughts) in pencil, acknowledging that with my limited knowledge and foresight, I may need to revise it! Also, Mark and I plan to sit down over coffee next week and incorporate his version, so the final draft will look a little different :) That being said, here it is so far:

Things I want to pass on to our kids/ a focus for raising them:

A close, foundational relationship with God; intimacy with Him and the strength that that gives

Obedience to a law higher than themselves

Certainty that they are loved by me and by God … no matter what

Intact self-worth and a sense of purpose

An ability to forgive and love those around them, and see the innate value every created person has as being formed in God's image

Contentment and an eye for beauty wherever they are

Patience and perseverance; self-discipline; willingness to work hard

Freedom from man-made 'moral laws': Is it truly a sin? Does it put them in imminent danger of sinning?

Desire for wisdom

Justice coupled with mercy and grace

And there you have it ... if I've missed something critical, I'm open to advice! :) I have a sneaky suspicion that the best way of passing these characteristics on to Anna and any other kids God sends our way is to model them well in my own life. And honestly, I'm ok with that. These are all things I want more of in MY life too, not just those of my children!