Learning

I have been mulling over this word for the last several days, wanting to sit down and gather my thoughts on 'paper', but have had neither the time nor energy to do so until now.  Our sweet princess girl has either hit her two week growth spurt, or has come out of her newborn sleep-of-the-dead phase and is having trouble figuring out how to fall asleep, or is developing a sensitivity to dairy in my diet, or SOMEthing ... but the last couple days and nights have been stretching!

However, they have contributed to my thought process.  This whole season of our lives is one of learning.  Learning how our life as a family needs to flow living in a very different environment.  Learning medicine in a missions hospital, in a rural setting whose inhabitants contract different illnesses than patients in the States and who routinely 'settle' disputes by hacking at each other with bush knives.  Learning who this new baby is and what she needs from me.  Learning a new language. 

Now, I know one could argue that our entire lives should be spent learning; being teachable and willing to learn is part of having a flexible character that can adapt well to change.  While I do agree, I also think there are times in life that require more learning than others.  And it is hard!  I just spent nearly two and a half years learning how to take care of our family of four - learning what routines worked well, how to balance my time between husband and two children and house, and how (hopefully!) to also take care of myself in amongst all of that - and now I need to relearn that process for our family of five, including starting totally from scratch for the fifth member! Mark just spent what at times feels like a lifetime of education learning how to practice medicine - in the States - and now he needs to relearn a lot of those lessons in a totally different setting.  And yes, there is some overlap in both cases; only one member of our family is totally new and different, and much of what worked in our family before will continue to work, with some adaptations for Lucy.  Anatomy and physiology and pathology remain the same for humans all over the world, although diagnoses and treatments may differ depending on where in the world one practices medicine. 

However, my point is this: learning is a time of vulnerability. Of not being sure of ourselves. Not being in control, and not having a familiar answer to fall back on when problems arise.  What worked for Anna or Levi will not necessarily meet Lucy's needs.  In getting to know her, I will have to try things that may fail, and then confront my own frustrations at failing as well as her needs!  Communicating with the people around me in a language not my own reduces me to simple, superficial conversation - and even then sometimes fails to truly communicate!

So how do I deal with this season of learning, of being vulnerable and subject to failure?  Well, a lot of the time, not very well!  It is much easier for me to give in to frustration, and then give up.  To pass off the wailing baby to Mark at night to figure out what she needs, because I know I will be up again in three hours.  To avoid developing relationships with non-English speaking people so I don't have to struggle just to speak.  But -- in giving up, I am making a choice not to grow.  A choice not to allow the Holy Spirit to develop my character and abilities.  A choice not to learn, and therefore (ironically) to remain incompetent! 

It is so easy for me to get bogged down in seasons of relentless learning, and lose sight of the fact that at some point, growth does happen.  Lessons become learned.  New people, surroundings, language and routines will become familiar with time.  James 5:11 says,

            "As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy."  

When I persevere, I am counted as blessed because of what the Lord will bring about - even if there is an element of 'finally' in His timing - and in my perseverance He will be compassionate and merciful.  As Paul writes in Romans 5, perseverance produces character and character brings hope.  And hope, surely, takes away the frustrations and fear of failure, and replaces them with changes in my heart that make me look just a little more like Jesus.